When circumstances dont line up

I have read for many years that we have the power to create our own destiny.  That we can chose how we feel no matter what is happening in our surroundings and that the decisions we make in the present moment determine the outcome of future moments.  And that really we can at any point in time choose to focus on our internal life (which even though it feels like is a direct result of our external environment has NOTHING to do with it) and create whatever we want.  That, it seems from spiritual and not so spiritual teachings across the board, is the work of being human.  Letting go of the illusion of environmental forces and embracing the truth of creativity; we have the power at any moment to be conscious of what we create.  And even though I’ve been hearing this message for at least 20 years, loving this message, believing in it, knowing right to my core that it is real, I can still forget it in an instant.  My partner does something I don’t like.  I don’t sell as many paintings as I want, I feel flat, and wham bam I back to thinking its something outside of me that needs to change in order for me to have peace and happiness.  If only G would be more loving. If only I’d make more money. If only I was a size smaller, then I could truly believe that I create my own destiny.  For why on earth would I choose these irritating things in my reality?  But this is the work.  This right here in the nitty gritty of life is the very essence of what it means to choose a spiritual path. Or so I think.  It is taking each of these circumstances and fully choosing them.  Letting go of any resistance to them.  Understanding they are the result of all the decisions I’ve made.  A manifestation of all the vibrations I’ve been sending forth and within them is the key to where I’ve lost my power.  When I get really real with myself I see that I worry I’ll never have the financial freedom I want.  That I’ll never feel the deeply satisfying love that I imagine a relationship will offer.  That my body will hold onto a few kilos just to spite me.  I have moments in all these areas of being absolutely present to my power to create.  A crystal clear knowing sits within me.  My power as a human feels connected to every human that every walked the earth and I know that if someone else had ever experienced what I desire then the possibility of it is open to me. And its the consciousness of that power that gives me a deep sense of the spiritual.  All competitiveness falls away.  All envy, all fear, all need.  And my work as a human at this point in time, is to have more and more of those moments.   So simple, yet so hard.  As I continue on creating my future, writing these words helps to keep my consciousness clean.

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