The luckiest girl in the world

I must be.  The luckiest girl in the world.  Absolutly. Think of it this way, everything that happens to me, I believe has given me richness, fullness, empathy, reward, pleasure, depth, desire, fun, emotion and much, much more.  Even the the things that at the time seemed uncalled for, depressing, hard to deal with or in other words I resisted when they happened along, with hindsight are experiences I won’t swap for anything.  Anything.  That is the thing when the realisation strikes that there is only one source of pain in this world and that is resistance to what is going on.  Let go of resistance, allow the fruits of whatever experience is being offered to you and wham, you have an amazing life.  Well, that how I see it anyway.  And so.  I wake up in the morning, without the most money, without being married, with just a tiny slightly awkward house, with only one child, with a history of self loathing and food obsession, without being the fastest or the strongest, without many thing I’ve desired over the years, with many things I’ve wanted to avoid and yet, still, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.    Each desire now, instead of feeling depressing feels gorgeous.  Its want within me feels exciting and alive.  Each aspect of my life I don’t like, or want different feels challenging and with it rewarding.   Just like a big hill in a bike race will it be painful, sure, will it be tough, sure, would the race be the same without it?  No way.  Would I give up the hills and only take the reward at the end. Not on your life.  I like challenges.  And, I’m no longer defined by them.  I’m not a loser if I lose a race. I’m not ill if I have a disease. I’m not a failure if I fail to sell a painting.  I’m not lonely if I’m alone. I’m not a bad person if I make a bad choice.  I don’t care if I’m the last one over the finish line, if I have a life threating illness, if I do the stupidest thing in the world, from where I am, whatever my situation I can always take a step towards my desires.  I can always find a small improvement.  And I can always be happy and grateful for that improvement.  I can always find power and grace and love.  Those are the things I chose to be defined by.  And chose to see in others.  I have today to be the best I can.  I am thankful for this day.  I am alive to it.  I am living today with a future that excites me.  Of my house we are building.  Of a solid, fun, rewarding marriage.  Or a bustling busy, loving family.  Of a vibrant, art practice that calls me to paint.  Of a writer who touches millions of lives for the better.  That is worth getting up and getting into the day for.  Oh yes it is.

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