Giving

I dedicate one day a week to giving.  I’ve been doing it for a while now.  Its one of my favourite days of the week.  I give time, money, advice, help, rides, flowers, gifts.  I do it anonomosly accossionally and in full view other times.  Hidden is more satisfying in a way.  It takes my ego out of it.  But anonimity is not the key driver.  I particularly like to give things to people I feel stingy about.  People I don’t think ‘deserve’ anything from me.  They have either been stingy to me in the past, or have done things I don’t like.  All ego driven things.  But the older I get, and lets face it, while 50 isn’t by any stretch old, its still half a life of age, the more I realise that giving is the best way to forgiveness.  If I feel someone ‘owes’ me money unfairly, I find a way to give to them financially.  I buy them a present.  In other words I spend money on them and in my mind find a way to hope they find financial freedom.  For what is more constricting than feeling financially pinced.  And what leads to the feeling of financial lack more than not honering ones financial promises.  If I really wish the world to be full of giving, generous people, I have lead the way.  And leading the way has always felt good.  Years ago I used to feel almost physically sick given to an ‘underserving’ person. But I paid very careful attention to the way it felt.  I was released.  I no longer resented them.  In other words I found a feedom i giving.  These days I feel attached to just about nothing.  I’m happy to give away anything.  I have more than I know what to do with these days. More money, time, love, ideas, stuff.  When I hold on things get stagnant. When I let go, more comes flooding back to me.  I guess its like nature, if you hold your breath you can’t get a fresh one.  If trees held their fruit, they would have no chance of a crop next year.  Nothing is permenant.  I love that.

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