the art of none resistance

It has taken me many years to master the art of none resistance. Particularly in the area of desires.  The desire to be thin.  To love. To be fit.  To eat whatever I want.  To have the house of my dreams.  Or really any desire that I can’t see a clear path towards having.  The desire to be invited to the Canne film festival.  To spend a month cycling around france staying in some of the worlds most elegant hotels.  I spent years believing that the very desire for these things was a curse. That to desire something was hard and uncomfortable.  I now understand that desire is one of the greatest gifts on earth.  When honered, they point you in the direction of passion, excitement, fulfillment, wonder, love, happiness, creativity, imagination, like nothing else does.  Resisting these desires has bought me nothing buy anxiety, depression, guilt, grief, longing.  And I’ve had enough of those to know that while they too have there place in the world, why keep them alive any more than using them as a pointer to know that I’m resisting a desire.  Resistance I think can come in many different guises.  It can come in the form of blame; I can’t have the partner of my dreams because there are more women than men.   The form of pretense; I’m perfectly happy being single, I don’t want a partner.  The form of sabotage; other people aren’t really happy in relationships anyway.  And many other forms of resisting the fact that I desire things that I can’t see a way to make happen.  That’s been the best lesson for me in the last ten years.  Letting go off needing to see a clear path and just allowing the desire to flourish.  Allowing it to flourish without diminishing the present.  How simple, yet one of the hardest things to achieve.  Having almost no income and desiring to have an abundance of wealth.  I remember having to learn gratitude for what I did have, enjoy others good fortune and keep believing that wealth would come.  And of course it did.  For look at me now.  I have my two houses.  I had my trip to France.  I have the ability to help friends in need.  To offer assistance to others.  To have enough room for all my friends to stay for a week.   I keep believing that my paintings would sell and they did.  I kept believing, vizualizing, imagining that I had a best seller in me and it came true.   I had also to not resist my fears and doubts.  I had to hold them, acknowledge them, look at them.  Be at peace with them.  They are all part of the wonder of desire.  That beautiful seed of creativity. What can I create now.  In the second half of my life I’m more thrilled than ever to follow my desires.  To be scared by them.  To be controlled by them.  To let them take me on a life worth living.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: