Letting go

I got to the point with my art, like I did with my body and being single that I had to be okay never selling another painting.  Okay, selling paintings had nothing to do with my body or being single, but I had to be okay never losing another pound and being single for the rest of my life.  Like really, truly okay.  It was not going to make my like worse off.  Sure, I would welcome those things, but it was quite alright for the status quo to continue on.  And I got there with my painting to.  For so long I was on the verge of desperate to sell more.  Desperate to be more sucessful.  I would try and kid myself that I was only painting for the pleasure of it. Hiding the truth that it killed me that my paintings were staying on my walls.  Then it happened.  I got okay with it.  I started finding joy in others successes.  When I heard about sell out shows I felt a warm sense of satisfaction.  I gave over.  I basked in the fact that I was headed there, but didn’t have to worry anymore.  That if I never got the experience in reality, I could enjoy the anticipation.  I welcomed in the possibility.  I let go of the actuality.  I told each painting it was okay to stay with me if it wanted, or to go if it chose.  Either way was just fine.   I wrote a letter to the powers that be.  The universe. My idea of god.  I said, these are my desires.  I leave them up to you.  I’m done trying to figure it out.  I trust that you will make good on my desires when the time is right.  That you will provide me with the opportunities when they arise.  Here’s what my heart wants.  Here’s what I see when I close my eyes and all my dreams have come true.   Paintings that thrill me in the making.  Paintings that get snapped up soon after they are made.  A dealer who loves, promotes and sells my work.  50 paintings sold each year for an average of $5k.  A solo show each year at my dealer.  A group show each year with my peers, sponsored by an organisation I feel proud to represent.  Commissions booked up months in advance.   That was my list of desires.  That’s what I let go of trying to get and settled into expecting to experience.  I gave up on time-frames.  I allowed the world to deliver when ready.  I took care of myself.  I took opportunties that flowed.  I gave up anything that I had to force.  I worked harder than ever.  But in a sort of easy, non-resistant way.  I took the path of least resistance.  I followed the laws of nature.  Every single one of those desires came true.  And they came true easily and effortlessly.  But with much hard work and in ways that I had never expected.  That is the beauty of it.  It was a hard lesson at the time to let go.  I think it’s the single best thing I’ve ever learned to do.


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