Visualization 1

I see myself in the studio I’ve always wanted.  Crisp clean indirect light bouncing off all the exact white walls.  I’m standing in my trusty old apron, 15 years old now.  It warm enough to be in short sleeves and bare feet. The room is large, roomy you could say, but not massive.  Next door is my canvas room.  Bolts of canvas stacked high.  A bolt of standard canvas towers over the more unusal wide weave bolts.  I love the smell of that room. Raw, dirty and gritty.  Its the smell of creativity at its best.  I only have to stand in that room to remember what makes my heart tick.  Around me are 10 1 meter square canvases that I’m about to pack up and send to an exhibition in London.  I’ve done well in the London in the last few years.  I have a fan base that keeps coming back.  Half the exhibition is already sold and my dealer expects to sell the rest before I get there.  I’ve considered taking orders, but I like to paint from my heart.  I already have 5 commissions to work on for clients at home.  But I love the exhbition process.  I’ll get on a plane in a few days time.  I close my eyes and feel excited about where I’ve come from and imagine the show to come.  At 50 I can hardly believe how lucky I am.  My work sells for around the 10k mark and I sell at least one a week.  Its ment that Graeme and I have been able to build the house we live in.  Its a work of art in itself.  And now Graeme just builds houses that please him.  I love that he takes on apprentices and gets them going in the world.  I have a my group of artists who plug in for their daily meditation.  Sometimes I sit in my studio and I flick back though all the calendars I’ve published. One every year and I look at the way my art has developed. The themes I’ve chosen.  All spiritual in nature.  And I think of all the people and institutions enjoying those paintings.  All the conversations I’ve had.  And I feel good to be sucessful. It feels right to be sucessful. It feels ok to being doing well.  I have let go of the struggle a long time ago.  And I’ve replaced it with forgiveness.

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